Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
there is puke in my bra ... again
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