I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
