Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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