Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
