he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
