Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
