my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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