And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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