Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
