I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
