just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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