After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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