just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
