we have officially lost it.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
