Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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