my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
