hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
