glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
