I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It's rum buckets o'clock
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
