My friends, they love my intelligence
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
