i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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