Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
