she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
