this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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