Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
