I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
