trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
