I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
