I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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