did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
