Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
