I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize