Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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