uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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