I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize