I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize