Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
