wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
