Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
