Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
