im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
