ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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