He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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