you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
