So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
