I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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