there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Found the puke drawer
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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