Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She told me I should be a condom model.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
