I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize