i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
