She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
