garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Randomize
