38 yer olds are good kisserssss
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
