do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I AM VODKA MAN
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
