It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
there is glitter all over my balls
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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