i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
