I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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