yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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