You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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