Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
