I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
