NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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