I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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