I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Be still, my beating vagina.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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